Waiting

I feel like I've been waiting for something for two years. This month is two years since we started trying to get pregnant. I never thought two years later, I would be writing a blog about infertility. I haven't moved on from that first day I didn't take my birth control pill. Sure, I get up in the morning, eat breakfast and work all day. And then I make dinner for my husband, clean the kitchen and watch TV. But I truly have not been living. I haven't scrapbooked since I don't even remember when. I love to cook complicated things...lately I have been making turkey burgers. The only times I am kind of content is when I am watching General Hospital or when I am eating something very satisfying. The infertility road is full of bus stops where you just wait and wait and wait...

It goes like this: You first realize that something might be wrong and you search for a fertility clinic and make an appt...only to be told you have to wait 6 weeks for said apppointment.

Bus Stop #1. Then you get there and they put you through a battery of tests...some of them not fun. Your husband gets to jerk off in a seedy little room with a TV. Other than some blood, that's the extent of his testing. I get to have an HSG. Don't even ask. I get to have an ultrasound with a dildo cam. Really...don't ask. Let me just tell you that modesty is a thing of a past. I really should just become a stripper...might as well make some money if everyone is going to see me naked. Do they have stripclubs for size 12 strippers? So after all this testing, you're told that you're fine, but your husaband has a little problem with his sperm and you need In Vitro in order to get pregnant. And you have to wait another 2 months to do a sperm extraction in order to do In Vitro.

Bus Stop #2. How much does In Vitro cost?! Again, don't ask. After obtaining sperm, securing funds and choosing a clinic...

Bus Stop #3 More tests. Now it's a hysteroscopy and more blood testing. Finally, IVF starts...only to be cancelled because I was only growing one egg.

Bus Stop #4 Have to wait for two periods before we can start IVF again. Oh, and dad came for vacation so had to push it back another month. Second IVF gets under way...one egg...one embryo.

Bus Stop #5 Two week wait. BFN...Big Fat Negative for all you muggles out there.

Bus Stop #6 Have to wait for two periods again before we can start another IVF. THREE EGGS this time! Maybe there is hope. Wait for it...wait for it...no sperm.

Bus Stop #7 Need more sperm...two month wait for another extraction. So after freezing the eggs and obtaining more sperm, I chose to get on a different bus. I'm hoping the CCRM bus is an express bus straight to motherhood.

Bus Stop #8 More testing. Almost done...officially starting Clomid Challenge tomorrow. Another dildo cam...more needles. Can I get off this bus already?